Thunder

You're the sunshine to my cloudy grey
break my night apart
burst through me and fill the sky
with rainbows.
I am a storm of gloom
tear into me until the tears fall
until everything that hurts
evaporates
I am famine
fill me with your need
fatten with me with hope
so that I may live again

Mama

why did you leave?
couldn't you stay
why did you drink?
couldn't you see?
I needed you
why did you scream?
please hold me
why did you hide?
I needed you

I'll wash me away
in that tide of red
stitch me up again
I'm invincible

Borderline

I am in love
and it burns through me
an inferno reducing me to ash
to embers
gliding on the wind
Torn to pieces I scream
Contentedness

Restlessness stirring
Syllables abound
Pronounce me apathetic
Lazy, insecure
I'm a lady in waiting
Bitchiness demure

I don't care (BPD)

I promise I don't
I promise that I will only spill lies
I will only spread false tongue
I'm happy
Can't you see?
I was a lady without you
(no)
I will be a lady as before
(for you)
And all the lessons you taught me
thrown away
(They are so close to my heart)
You cannot control me
(I will eat)
You have not affected me
(I see myself unharmed)
I don't care of your rules or the
promises I gave you.
(I am so sorry for my weakness)
I never cared for you
(Just one more time held)
I spit on your memory
(My beloved)
I long for your pain
(You are so beloved)
I hate you
(Please never leave me)

Thoughts whispering

I wish I could tell you I miss you
I wish I didn't
I wish I could have you back
I wish I never had you
I wish I had changed
I wish you had accepted me
I wish I were stronger
I wish you were
I wish I could turn back time
to be better
to be sweeter
to be smarter

But I'm just wishing

Screams internally

Why do you criticize me when I need you to hold me?

Hush now

I'm waiting for the beginning

or end

the beginning of a joyful life
or end of a wonderful era

once tortured
now blessed
I take every breath,
every uncertainty,

every fear
I wrap myself inside it

just glad you are here.

Sir (edit 2)

insecure security
hold me above these waves
I trust you, I need you
baby, I'm your slave
Pretty words and promises
Lock me in your safe.
Master and lover
Sir, I will obey

Tear me away to oblivion
Order me to stay
Conjure up my sweetness
I promise to behave
Your silence is torture
I drown within my rage
You're​ ever so distant
And longing brings deep shame

Call and Response ll

Darkness has taken my mind
am I your angel or your hell?
so much better then me
you need
a soul who wouldn't sell
herself away for attention
a reflection
shows me
I need to be
alone

Wonderland

How do you see me?
Do you know who I am?
so quickly, so gently
you know what hides within
I try to hide deeper
but you know I play pretend

This facade, my charade
yet you see past smiles I fake
tell the lies apart from fantasy
you break my barricade
Terrified I'm running
trying hard to just evade

Break me down and build me up
I'm begging for escape
but still you hold on tighter
and these hopes won't go away
don't hurt me, don't leave
please God don't let this fade

I've heard it all before
swore to never fall again
spinning faster, uncontrolled
I'm going heels over head
and through these eyes I know that I
never want this trip to end