Leftovers

I live in a land of what if
What if I worked harder
What if I gave more
What if one tiny decision
Could've changed everything
And we'd be happy
But of all my what ifs
The strongest is always

What if you had?

Just friends lll

A maze into oblivion
A moth to flame
Incinerated
Each game I played
Each test I passed
I was cold
I promised I would be.
Again a moth burned in your cool blue flame.

Instant

Instagram @charlieluckie

A stranger
Enchanting
With beautiful words
Sketching my heart
With every verse
I'm smitten
Stricken
Insecure
Your rhythmic lies
A welcome curse

Mist ll

All the beauty in me
Died
When you left
But I promise
Some day
I'll make my words sing
Louder
Than the drizzle you gave me

Spirit

I wear my heart on my sleeve
And it cries a trail of crimson
Throwing out my life force
Cascading  worthless to the floor
Stumbling around as a zombie
I practice death religiously
The fear of it draped around my neck
Like a scarf protecting me from it's chill
Am I here still?

Instagram @charlieluckie

Work in progress ll

Instagram @charlieluckie

'Everything's so dark here'
You whisper
Blinding me with candlelight
That small warmth
Engulfing me
In sweet destruction
Beguiling hope
Begging for my defiance
Call me pet
For as long as you will have me
Live with me
In delirium 
String me up
I deserve to hang
If I were brave enough
I'd fly away
Slit myself to
A new destiny

Panic attack

Instagram @charlieluckie

It's like the moment
Right before your suicide
Succeeds
That you know you desperately want
To live

Safety measures

pre edit Instagram @charlieluckie

Hate my violence
Your silence won't impede
It destroys
My serenity
Hide and seek I am the queen
You play to win
I play for me

Stop

Instagram @charlieluckie

My insides are spilled on our bed
Stop
You say
When I use words instead
It's easier to ignore
Silent sobbing of my skin
Complain about stains
It's my fault.

Uninspired

Instagram @charlieluckie

It's me Lottie
You're the nightmare I can't remember
The vagrant unease
With no discernable reason
Stealing my words and
My identity
Definitions and meaning are lost
Nothing is not everything
It's emptiness
No matyrdom gained
I'll never be like you
I may be monochrome
But chaos reigns
Words scream through my veins
Cascading into violence
Fighting your dominance
My will is my own

Poetry?

Instagram @charlieluckie

How many only
Love
The vileness of my words
Because they masquerade

As art?

Hurt you

One step
Please one more
I'm so scared
Soft lullabies scream
Of sleep and darkness
Of never being alone.
An end where I won't scream
Won't bother you anymore

Phd in bathroom surgery

Fever
Flames pouring through my veins
The infection of self destruction calls me to you
Burning and afraid
I'm weak.
Saline solution drowning me
In inability
I'm torn open
My barriers are too weak
I'm scared.

Skinny fat

I drown in floods of illness
I do not eat yet my midsection betrays
My habitual hard lemonades
A thigh gap ever expanding
Yet depression
Prevents perfection
I'm tired.

Wounded

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
And it hides beneath my clothes
Gruesome and domineering
Parading nightmares just for show
Rippling tides of emotion
Sketched like the poetry of skin
Using bitterness as inspiration
A testament to whispered sin

Razor melodies

Theres a box beside me
Full of pain
Do you want to see?
Dear stranger say something
Anything
With cold beneath me
And sadness in between
Thin metal calls to me
Please scream

Fucking fuck

Frigid in this bed of ours
You grind your teeth
And breathe out stars
I'm yours, I wish that you were mine
You promised first
Your love's a lie

Pretend to hold me.

Acidic (unfinished?)

Sell me your venom
Straight from the source
Inject me with poison
I'll have no remorse
Blanket me in death
I want to be yours

23

I can hold your heart
And you won't know
Stealthy affection
Don't see me...
You're the stitches to
My bitterness
Watch me bleed
For once it hurts
My insides are exposed
Call me little moth
My cold blue flame
Our dreams are our own.
You sit alone
What are you hoping for?

Text 1

What is this covering me?

                                               It's called skin.

I hate it. It's smothering.

                                               It protects you.

It masks me. I want it gone

Expiration ll

You were beautiful
And I drowned within you
The fuel turning my coals
Into an inferno.
A kiss
Cutting the rope
On my choke from life.
My face contorted
Into shapes it was unfamiliar with
Teeth bared in confusion
Because it wasn't in rage
Noises bubbling so loud
From a throat kept silent
Terrifying
In that moment
I was in that moment.
A rare luxury
My nightmares are daydreams
And my smile was false
You broke me.
In a beautiful way.

And like all things beautiful it faded.

Juliet

You sing songs
Of beautiful girls
With scars on her wrists
But my body is a
battleground
of angry purple gashes
Mountains and valleys of self hate
Etched upon me for years
You tell me I'm beautiful
I consider making my face
A new canvas
I am not a beautiful girl
My body is a temple
Long forgotten and covered with graffiti
Harsh tapestries of mental disorder
Treasures plundered long ago
By those who tore it down
Wanting it's fortune for their own
My skin screams "Caution!
I am in pain. There's no hope here"
You trace each line of poetry no one read
hoping to make me crumble for you.
As if to heal me
But I know
It's for your gain
Don't romanticize I'll change
You sing songs
of beautiful girls
with scars on her wrists

Baby Please Dont

Please love me
Please fuck off
Don't touch me
I need you
Cycles of fear and need
A whirlwind making me sick
Why do I?
Why won't you?
Hold me I hate you
Hate me I love you
Security is suspicious
Why don't you secure me?
You wont, you can't
But please try...
I won't be yours.
I wish I could be
I'm the worst
I'll be your queen
Please.
Save me.

An affair

Forbidden love.
I dream of you
I resist
Pretend I am strong
Bubbling skin betrays me
The flames of lust
Destroy my purity
Help me fade within you
Erase what is me
Too weak to be free
One day we'll meet.

Forever girl

If you think you love me.
Stay silent
If your heart promises forever
Know it lies

I am not a forever girl
Your devotion will expire

Whisper ll

Shivering electric skin
bringing me to life
Vanity and fear collide
Vulnerability
I can't hide
Agony my lover
loneliness sublime
Take me to the edge
and back
Darling
swear you're mine.

Want

Beautiful perfection
Tell me you love me
Tell me I'm worthy
I want safety
I want warmth
I don't need prince charming
I need you
I need to be held
When I am a monster
When I purge my insecurity
When I'm weak and afraid
Love me
Please
I won't love you if you want that
Just hold me
Make me live

This is

It hurts, I'm so tired
My existence is composed of ice
Refuse fuel for one more day
Keep going
You're too strong
Don't be weak
Dizziness is a side effect
Of achieving perfection
5, 10, 30
Less is more
In losing I win
Let me be nothing
Just let me be thin

Storm (idfk unfinshed)

crash down upon me
tear me to bits
burn me with your light
torture me with bliss
I miss the way you missed me
I miss the way we wished
That things would turn out easier
but we could never fit